06 Sep A Vow to NOW – the end of one life and the beginning of another.
You know those moments in life where something massive happens and you are moved into a completely new way of being? In that giant moment and you are so filled to overflowing with heightened meaning and emotion, that you take some sort of a Vow to NOW. You promise yourself – that no matter what – you are going to stay awake and inspired in this life and never again fall asleep to the power, beauty and goodness of LIFE! The life that is IN you.
I had a collision with a moment like that, and if I had to identify a life-changing moment, this would definitely be one of them.
But it certainly didn’t start as a moment of inspiration, actually, it began as a feeling of dreaded defeat…
It was about 11pm on a Friday night, I had about $7 to my name, I was scattered and heart broken, driving to a festival somewhere in the Australian Outback. The moon was full in the sky and I was cruising in my 1978 HiAce Toyota van – a van that I (we) had been living in. You see, I had just ended my 10 year relationship – rather terribly, I might add. I had a heavy heart and although I had chosen this, I was intensely uncertain about what was next.
Suddenly, I heard a shocking sound come from the engine – it wasn’t good.
As I rolled her off the road – I rolled into a realisation.
Vans. Need. Oil.
My (now) ex-man used to take care of this sort of detail. But me, in a rather messy state, had taken to the road and drove our home, 11 solid hours – to her death. We had lived in this van for about 2 years and I had killed her in approximately 1/2 a day!
The anti-climax was real.
It’s moments like this that time slows down.
I was in the middle of nowhere, the winter sky was full of stars and a wash of emotion started to build. Anger. Sadness. Resentment. Helplessness. I looked at my phone. No Service. Perfect really. I mean, if I was able to make a phone call it would have diluted the intensity of my perfect drama. I sat there alone, in my lifeless van and as the night grew colder the commentaries kicked in; a varied dialogue about all the things that were NOT working:
‘What have I done?’
‘He really could have given me a heads-up about the oil.’
‘Why is this happening to me?’
‘This is my instantaneous punishment.’
‘Karma is a bitch.’
“How could I do this?’
“Why have I created this?”
#fear. #doubt. #lack. #blame. #frustration.
I had been a student of metaphysics and personal growth for about 10 years. I had read the books, been to the seminars, got the tee shirt and stood on my head. I knew that I was the “creator of my reality”. But seriously WTF?! How did I manifest this?
My mind jumped around – out of control – into the past; “Oil, all I had to do was put in some oil!” Into the future; how am I going to get to this festival? And then the more serious questions – where am I going to live? What am I going to do? I needed to make at least a few thousand dollars to get myself out of this hole! It was all too hard.
And that was when I caught the moment; I gripped it with two hands. The better part of me knew I could either allow my creativity to colour in a story of sorriness, drama, overwhelm and all things worst case scenario, OR I could craft this moment consciously, so that a greater potential would define me.
React or respond?
I climbed into the back of my van and made some space for myself. It was a tight fit; I had to move stuff, fire dancing sticks and fans, stiltz, paints, lights, tables – a mini circus that was my life.
I lit a candle, took a mighty breath and stared into the flame. I knew what I had to do, but I was almost too numb to do it. I had to induce the energy of the answer. Choose a higher vibe. Practice some NOWism.
I scanned my awareness for something wise. Seriously, where’s a positive affirmation when you need one? I started to cry, and I cried hard. It made lots of space. Suddenly, the moment was filled with a message from my favourite teacher and mentor, Rev Michael Beckwith. I could literally see his face through my tears asking me, “What’s trying to emerge from you? What you you need to BECOME now?”
Grateful. I need to BE grateful.
I spoke to myself out loud…
“Alright. Come on, what are you grateful for Kat Dawes?” There was silence. I was a little shocked by my actual blankness. I normally have a lot to say to myself, but I wasn’t grateful, I couldn’t even induce it – I was sad. Come on! What am I grateful for?
The wiser part of me was waking up – I had to just find one thing. I looked around in the van at all the clutter, it felt like a junkyard. My mind scrambled around for something to be grateful for and eventually my eyes landed on my hands. “My hands!” I said – legitimately. I felt a spike of delight that my mind had found my hands! “This would be WAY worse if I didn’t have hands! Oh yes, I have hands!!”
The gratitude was real. And then… like a single spark that can start a fire, that one conscious thought invited a momentum.
- I am grateful for my life. I really am.
- I am grateful for the air I can breathe right now.
- Grateful for amazing friends – no doubt one of my friends will bail me out of this mess! (I smiled at how many people would laugh right now if they knew what was going on!)
- I am grateful for my sense of adventure – I looked out the window – I had NO idea where I was! I chuckled to myself about the insanity of this moment!
- Grateful for this relief!
- Grateful for this moment in an old van!
- Grateful for all the teachers in my world.
- Grateful for the night sky!
I spent a few hours and took my attention on a journey, making an inventory of everything that was working…
I got out of the Van and joined the crisp night air. The sky was immense! The moon was full and the number of stars was exceptional! I felt a wave of connection with All-That-Is; something mighty was moving through me. To other eyes, this moment probably would have looked insane, but for me it was an all-or-nothing moment. I had somehow dragged my consciousness from despair to exhilaration – I had found inspiration! And without analysing the details of my life any further, I jumped on that high vibe – like a train on the way to the Manifest Station.
I Took A Vow to NOW.
I named that moment the greatest moment of my life. I knew that if I could steer my consciousness away from despair, when I had so many reasons to feel failure, that I could build an exceptional life – starting right here from this very moment. NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW!
The events that followed that evening were some of the most powerful demonstrations of my life… The facts were still difficult at first; I needed money, a place to live etc. But I just played it moment to moment, like a game, and invested my attention in what I wanted to see.
I practiced what it felt like for things to flow in surprising quantum leaps – onwards and upwards! Surprise and delight!
Surprising alignments! Delightful encounters!
I endeavoured to live every day like I was magical and all my dreams had come true! At first it felt like a delusion, you know – fake it until you make it – but I stuck with my vibrational plan and did my best to sustain and maintain a high vibe. When I encountered the challenges of a bad vibe trying to take over, I amped up my NOWism and responded creatively:
- I learned to quarantine my negative thinking.
- Evicted myself from the Comfort Zone.
- I used the NOW Soap – to wash my hands of the past.
- When I felt tired, I issued a Warrant for my Rest.
- I renewed my Vow to Now!
I engaged in a continual, creative response to each moment and little did I know at the time – these consciousness campaigns that were running in my mind – was in fact the NOWism curriculum being birthed into reality! Within four weeks of this vibrational workout, my little story started to shift and lift in a most profound way.
- I was offered a place to stay.
- I was given a car.
- I published my first book, The Time and Space Contract.
- I connected with Andy Dooley and his brother Mike Dooley (from the movie The Secret)
- I travelled to Tahiti!
- I went to the USA…
And before I knew it, I was standing on stage with…. (wait for it…. ) Rev Michael Beckwith, presenting him with a NOWism Consciousness Award! I made him a plaque which said: one of his conscious thoughts off sets at least ten thousand unconscious emissions! On behalf of the Present Moment, thanks for filling it up consciously! 😉
I refreshed my Vow to Now!
Within 6 months…I was negotiating a NOWism cartoon concept in Los Angeles…
NOW the story boldly continues…
Which brings me to the Present Moment.
What does it take to ‘bottle up’ a moment of revelation and inspiration and walk and talk from there? How does one base a personal culture on an inspired vibe? Can we really sustain and maintain a positive outlook?
In a world that breeds a negative culture, are YOU ready to represent the answers?
It’s not new, it’s NOWism! It’s a life’s work of conscious participation in the present moment. Today it is the path of the urban mystic! You are the hero in this story and every moment counts… because global transformation takes place through individuals!
That’s you and me 🙂
Kat Dawes ∞